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Writer's Block: Check, please!

Who pays on a first date?

Whoever did the asking.
Do you think there will ever be world peace?

So long as politics and religion are so prevalent, no. Once people realize that we are all here trying to survive, regardless of thoughts and beliefs, then yes, I think we might be able to have world peace. Do I think it will happen my lifetime? No.

29 going on 15

It struck me a couple of years ago, that even though I'm in my late 20's, I wake up in the mornings still feeling as if I'm 15.

I finally found out yesterday why that is.

My parents have not gotten over what mistakes I made in high school, and they still hold it over me. They will not allow me to grow up because they see me as the same fuck up I was in high school.

The sad thing? I didn't find this out from them. I found this out from my boss.

You see, my father works in the same mall as I do and the other day he and my boss were having a chat. You see, it was Zebra Day at work, so everyone was wearing zebra prints, and me being the makeup artist I am, I had zebra print makeup and hair. I told my dad I looked cute, so he stopped by my job on the way to his to see me. He asked why I was the only one who did it, and I said "Angi was going to as well, but she chickened out." He didn't say anything else, other than "I have to go to work now." Well, later, after I had left, he asked Angi why she chickened out, and she said "I'm not as brave as your daughter, nor am I as creative. I had zebra eyes, but it was just too much." She then said that she let him know I was precious to her, and that he needed to make sure I knew I was precious to him as well, and that if I'm not precious to him, he just needs to let me go. She let him know he raised a good kid, that I'm extremely hard working, I'm a great team player, I have a good head on my shoulders, and I have the best moral compass in anyone she's ever met. He started to say "Yeah, I know, but she wasn't always that way. When she was in high school-" and Angi cut him off, saying "Don, when EVERYONE was in high school... Those years are long past. EVERYONE screws up in high school, those years should not be allowed to count anymore. You can't hold them over her." He tried to argue again, but she cut him off, simply saying "She's a precious girl, and I hope you see that."

Why is it my boss sees what I am, but my parents don't????

Writer's Block: Anti-bullying month

Who is the biggest bully in your life? One response chosen at random will win an Amazon Kindle. [contest details] (sponsored by )

My mother. She is the one person on this planet who's approval I seek and yet I am never given. She's the one person on this planet who can cut me not only with her words but a single look.

Writer's Block: And the forecast is…

What’s your favorite kind of weather?

I LOVE the rainy weather, when it's all grey and gloomy. I love sitting in front of the big windows with coffee or hot chocolate and a book, peeking out to watch the rain slowly make its way down the glass.

Writer's Block: It’s a small world

Where is your happiest place on earth?

My number one happy place is Council Bluff in Portland, Or. It's one of those places that so few people know about, when you tell the locals "I love Council Bluff!" they always look at you with a wierd expression and say "You mean Crown Point?"

Council Bluff is just off Skyline Blvd in a park on the highest hill in the city, and when you stand on one particular spot and speak, you are in surround sound. I guess there are only 4 places like that in the world.

When I lived in Portland, anytime I needed to be cheered up, I would just take off and drive there. It was always such a peaceful place, full of quiet, calm, peace, and solitude. You could see Mt. Hood, Mt. Ranier, Mt. St. Helens, and practically to the coast on a good day. It was also the best spot in town to watch the fireworks.

I have never found anything like that since then, which is just one reason why Denver sucks ass.

I... I literally have no words....

I have been dreaming of this for 15 years... I always WANTED to meet them, but in the back of my mind, I thought I had the same chance of meeting them as I had of flying to the moon. BUT IT IS REAL AND IT IS HAPPENING!!!!

I just spent two and a half hours trying to get ready... and now I'm afraid I'm forgetting something... (like brushing me teeth... note to self... brush your teeth when you post this!)

Oh dear Lord, I'm so nervous I think I might throw up...

And to top it all off, I've had a total of 8 hours of sleep over the past 3 nights, so this is going to be a long day.

I'm attending the BSB sound check in 2 hours, then I get a picture with them to prove that I'm not delusional, then one of the boys is going to take me on a tour backstage, then I'll probably have a few minutes to myself to faint and recollect myself before my DREAM COLLABORATION CONCERT... Yes, we are talking about the concert I predicted 15 years ago when the Backstreet Boys started and said "It would be cool if the New Kids On The Block got back together and toured with the Backstreet Boys..." Yes, I am seeing NKOTBSB tonight... Then there's an after party that my friend and I found VIP access tickets to where Nick and Howie are both going to be there to promote their solo CD's, which means more pictures with them and of them...

Oh my word I'm starting to hyperventilate even as I type this...

I've been trying to figure out WHY the boys are THIS important to me, and I came to this conclusion:

The music of the Backstreet Boys has defined my life.

I say that because if it weren't for the Backstreet Boys, I would not have met some of the most amazing friends I have ever had the chance to meet. I would not have all the experiences of all the concerts, and going to pick up their cd's on the first day of the release, or staying up all night with friends to try and learn their choreography before the concerts. I would not have cried hearing about the emotional turmoils the boys went through losing friends in the 9/11 terror attacks, or admitting themselves into rehab because it hit so close to home (with my brother being an addict.) I would not have shed tears thanks to AJ's "It gets better" video he made to give people like me hope- people who have hurt themselves in the past and who are one bad day away from doing it again. I would not have cheered as Brian announced his engagement, wedding, and expecting his first born, etc...

I have so many damn memories from these boys...

No wonder I feel sick...



So I'm studying Buddhism right now, trying to decide what my next spiritual step is going to be. I decided to forego "Buddhism for Dummies" and picked up a book called "Letting go of the person you used to be." Sounded perfect for me, considering all the crap I've been through that I still hold on to.

Come to find out it's a book about grief from the Buddhist standpoint, more so than transformation.

Well, I began reading it, figuring, "My grandpa died and I'm still hurting from that" so decided to plug along and try this book out.

Then it hit me today.

I'm mourning the straight woman I tried to be.

And I'm in denial a bit, still, or else why wouldn't I have told my parents by now?



Not sure if I should really keep this open, I mean, I never post anything anymore and I only ever skim entries in the communities and what not...

Writer's Block: School days

Do you think kids should learn about sex in school, and why?

Honestly, yes. A lot of parents dodge the question or don't approach it in an adult manner and sometimes too late, after the kids have all ready started having sex. Sex education is informative at school, and it's more a how to be safe than how to do it. Parents want to bury their heads in the sand and hope the topic goes away. I know for me if it weren't for sex ed at school my parents would never have talked about it with me, they simply would have told me not to have sex until i was married, but even then you still need to take precautions to be safe.



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November 2011



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